Category: Reflections


I’ve been paying attention to my self talk over the last couple of days and I have to admit, it has gone to the dogs. I think it reveals a degree of lack of self confidence. Its as if I am looking for excuses why the race will not go well. Injury, illness, conditions – I have been focusing so heavily on these things, rather than my training, my fitness, my capabilities.

I really need to pick this up. I’m a nervous starter at the best of times, but another week of this intensive negative focus will have me shaking at the starting blocks. I need to turn this around and start looking at all the positives. I think some positive mental visualisation exercises are in order. I remember reading a book years ago, Thinking Heart Dancing Mind. It was all about getting your mind in the right place. I remember it was excellent when I read it last. I know I have it somewhere still, I’m going to pull it out, dust it off and give it another read.

If you are interested in this book, I found a copy on Amazon, the link follows:

Today I wanted to do the full course swim leg, from Coolangatta to Bilinga, after the ski leg. I really wanted to see how my times were in the swim, having fatigued on the ski leg first. I’ll run through the session in my next post, I just wanted to comment on the ocean today, in this one.

It was a pretty clean morning, with swells of about half a metre. The sky was blue, there was a little bit of chill in the air though, with the slight north-westerly wind whispering across the water. As I was paddling the ski, I got into a bit of a blind rhythm. You know, one of those occasions when your mind starts to wonder like when you have been driving for too long. I was in one of those states, my face was relaxed, my cheeks lose when my vision went into a relaxed, dazed-like stare. From where I was, the sun was shining across the water all the way to the horizon. The little wind bumps across the top of the water made the sunlight sparkle at each wave tip.

In this relaxed, meditative state, I couldn’t help but notice just how beautiful this was. Each sparkle was like the purest, whitest flare igniting and quickly burning away into nothing. They were igniting and fading all the way across the ocean towards the sun. I found it absolutely mesmerising.

I’ve been on the ocean in some form or another my whole life and I have never seen it from this perspective, or never taken the time to appreciated it like this. What else have I been missing in my rush to get here?

Time for a bit of a review of where I am and where I have come.

If I am being honest with myself, I have to admit I find it easy to get discouraged and frustrated when I see how slow I am compared to the guys I train with. Guys like Stuart Kaey, Dale Penman, Wayne Marshall and Pete Degnian all fly in the water on all craft. They are athletes to admire. Coming to training session after training session and chasing these guys the whole time can get real disheartening at times.

So I am trying hard to continue to bring perspective back to what I have done and how far I have come. Some points to remember…

  1. This is the start of my second year doing Surf Life Saving sports. I am comparing my 13 months of training to other guys 13 years of training.
  2. Further, at the start of 2010, I had never competed in an endurance event in my life. Now, only 10 months later, I’ve completed a 2.2km swim race, 3 distance surf ski races of over 10kms, a half marathon road race, in 11 days I will compete in the Queensland SLS Endurance titles (treating it as a training session) which will include an 8km ski, a 2km swim and a 4km board paddle. Then 15 days after that I’ll be doing one of the most challenging endurance races the world has on offer.

I’ve come a long way

The other thing that can get me down if I am not careful are the kids. These youngsters who join our squads fresh, damn they improve fast. They improve in 2 months what takes me 12 months of hard labour to achieve. But that is another thing I really need to keep perspective of. I am 37 years old. I have the pressures of mortgage, spouse, kids and work. I can’t come down and play in the surf every day I want on a whim, I have responsibilities. Further, at 37, unlike my mindset which still believes I am 21, my body is older and does not respond as fast to training and exercise as it use to.

I wanted to put this down for those crappy days when I am really getting frustrated with myself and how training is going. This will give me something to read to remind me I am doing alright. So if it is one of those days and you are reading this, harden up Damo!! Pick yourself up and get back out there!

One of the things that Stu (coach) keeps telling all his proteges is that if you want to achieve your goals, you have to pay the price. He says that most often, this is not a financial price, rather the price your commitment to your goal asks you to pay. The obvious example to this, is whether you are willing to get up on those 6am cold, wet, winter mornings, put on the wetsuit that is still wet and cold from yesterday’s training session and hit the waves. Those that are prepared to do this, to pay this price when it is so much easier and warmer to stay in bed, get months more training each year than those who are not willing to pay. Those that do reap the rewards.

Its the cost of commitment to yourself, its the price of your dedication to your goals.

I have had a little bit of a revelation today. I had to pop down to Cafe Lumbini, they are a client of mine, to confirm some piece of work detail. To fit this in around my busy life (work, training, family) schedule, I popped out at 5.45pm and returned at 6.30pm. I returned just in time to see my beautiful fiancee Moana cleaning up the dishes from a dinner she had with our daughter Grace, now a little over two. Mine was in the microwave, still warm and ready to be eaten. I was pretty disappointed that I didn’t get to have dinner with my family tonight, I was only out for 45 minutes or so.

In chatting to Moana about this, we realised that it had been 3 weeks since I’d had dinner with them. Before training really started heating up, we ate together every night. We need to get Grace fed at around 6pm, to get her to bed by 7 – 7.30pm. Invariably now though, in the evenings I get home from some training session, or a catch up meeting with a client, between 6.45pm and 7.30pm. I am always home in time to read Grace a bed-time story, but I am eating dinner alone on the couch every night.

Moana is 6 months pregnant now too. She is paying the price of my training needs. At this time when I should really be helping her out the most, I am putting extra load on her. She is wonderful in her support of me, in pushing me into the training sessions I don’t want to go to anymore (I am starting to burn out a bit now), reminding me there are only a handful of weeks left. She is ever uncomplaining about the lack of household duties I am helping her with, or not doing my share of – and when I broach the subject, she is so quick to let me know how happy she is in our life and family. Despite all this, I am not blind or stupid, the requirements of training for this race are taking me away from my responsibilities to my fiancee and my daughter – and despite her reassurances and her support – it is something I recognise and feel a level of guilt, remorse and sadness about.

I see that there is not long to go now and I will have to make it up to her once the event is over – but this is where I am really paying for my goal – this is the cost of my commitment. Its a little bit ironic really, when I go back to the reasons I started this journey and look at my original motivations (my inspiration here). It seems that sometimes the cost of what you want comes out of the profits you are trying to realise – I am sure there is a life lesson there somewhere. I might think about it once this race is over.

I usually swim lunch times on Mondays, I have three swim squads I try to get to on a weekly basis. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays – all lunch time squads.

Occasionally Wayne Marshall (from the SLSC) will attend the Monday lunch time sessions as Monday’s are his paperwork days. I enjoy those squads, Wayne is a much better swimmer than me and its good to have a mate there with me. Today was one of the days that Wayne turned up. For the first time since I’d been swimming in this squad too, Jo our administrator at the life saving club also turned up for swim squad. She was there to record her 400m time for life saving proficiency for the year.

Today, we were the only ones attending the squad – there usually are more people here, but today, it was just the three of us.  To set the scene, Wayne has done the Coolangatta Gold twice before and done it well. He is also my handler for the big day. We have become mates over the years since I joined Mermaid Beach SLSC back in 2008. So Wayne being there at squad with no-one else around is a bit of an opportunity for me to pump him for information and advice.

So there the three of us were at one end of the pool and I turn the conversation to the Coolangatta Gold, trying to optain some tip or other from Wayne. Jo was a little surprised that have entered the event this year. Jo you see was the person who processed my joining application at Mermaid Beach about two years ago. In that very first meeting when I was paying my fees, in chatting, I even commented way back then that the Coolangatta Gold was my long term goal. Jo actually remembered this conversation and said “hey you remember when you joined the club, you even said way back then you wanted to do this event – its so good you’ve chased it this far and are now going to do it.” (or words to that effect)

The real funny thing though is that in this conversation, she mentioned that I should speak to Wayne about it. He had done his first one the year before so would be a great person to talk to about it. I didn’t even know Wayne at that stage, who he was or even what he looked like.

And there the three of us were, chatting at the same end of a swimming pool, talking about a goal I mentioned so long ago. Its funny how the universe operates sometimes isn’t it…!

Well, I submitted my entry form today. This, I must say, was quite a nerve wracking experience in itself. My pulse definitely lifted a couple of beats as I hit that “Submit” button. I guess that’s because it is the end of “we’ll see how I am going and make a decision later”. I’m committed now. In for a penny, in for a pound as they say.

I have to remember to be easy on myself though. Now that I am fully committed, I know I have the tendency to put too much pressure on myself. The key from here is to:

  1. Remember, this is my second year of Surf Life Saving sports training and experience
  2. Remember, this is my first year of distance/endurance training
  3. Remember that no matter what happens, I am much fitter and healthier for the experience – and that is worthwhile in itself
  4. Remember to not put too much pressure on myself
  5. Remember to have fun, enjoying the outdoors.
  6. Remember my original reasons for doing this – so celebrate my family on course, on the day.

One of the mind blowing things I have found over the last 12 months is how close this journey has brought me to marine wildlife. It really is amazing just how close I have gotten to all manner of ocean dwelling creatures. The following are some of the marine wildlife highlights I have experienced on the way to November 7th.

January 5th 2010 – was the most memorable dolphin encounter I have had. It was during a 15km surf ski paddle our squad did from Currumbin to Mermaid Beach on the double skis. Dale and I were paddling together when suddenly we were surrounded by a large school of dolphins, there were about 15 and they traveled with us for a couple of minutes. There were some acrobatics, which were particularly thrilling.

Dolphins have been quite common with me when paddling, but this experience was especially memorable as there were so many, they came so close and were so active.

July 31st 20101 – Then there was the Coolangatta Classic distance surf ski race I participated in, carried out in awful, stormy conditions from Coolangatta to Currumbin and back. About 5 minutes off the start, a whale popped up between myself and another competitor. I have to say, I felt very intimidated. It was huge and these surf skis are so comparatively flimsy.

Throughout the year – rays have been my constant companion. First in the Tallebudgera Creek, it is so common to see a large round shadow gliding under the water towards me. Close inspection often reveals a beautiful sting ray, sometimes extremely large with a long, long tail. Paddling into the shallows some days can bring many shock surprises, for both me and the rays. My approach startles them from their sun baking, the splashing created by their flight can almost surprises me out of my seat.

Then, ever so occasionally, we get the massive, magnificent manta rays down at the beach. The first you know of these is when you see a fin tip sticking out of the water. Closer inspections reveals another fin tip, rather than following the first though, this one is parallel to the first. Confusion reigns until you realise they are not the tips of fins, rather the tips of the manta ray wings sticking out of the water.

September 7th 2010 – I will never forget my first surf ski session shark sighting. I still do not know whether I feel honored, lucky, or that I had a lucky escape. It was at dusk after all – prime shark dinner time…

And then there are the occasional ocean turtles which are quite amusing to behold. When they surface, the large shell and head popping out of the water takes some time to figure out. They are funny creatures all in all.

All that in less than a year! I had 3 weeks in Africa this year – the biggest expense of the trip was getting out into nature specifically to find and observe the big animals in their natural habitats. It’s easy to forget that I have that opportunity for free in my back yard with wildlife that is just as large, just as wild and just as dangerous. It really is a blessed life.

The Different Faces Of The Ocean

I have been training pretty solidly, week in, week out for nigh on a year now. I’ve been jumping into the water on some craft or other, 3 – 4 times minimum per week, every season of the year. One of the things I often find myself marveling at are the many different faces – and moods, of the ocean… and how quickly those moods can change! Its been more than once I have made the comment “Gee, what a difference 12 hours can make!”. 12 hours is not really an accurate measure though. Sometimes the ocean’s mood can swing in an instant.

Sometimes we train in an ocean on a morning and it is so delightful. The wind is a mild offshore, the swell half to one metre, once you get pass the break it is like paddling on a lake. The water is so blue and clear, even when it is 20′ deep you can see to the bottom and be tricked into thinking you can stand if you jump off the ski. On these days, the marine wildlife you see passing underneath is a constant source of delight.

On these days, I find myself at during the day, daydreaming about the afternoon session rather than concentrating on work. The morning paddle was so peaceful, its all I can do to wait till 4pm, where I can down the tools of my trade and head out for another session. You can imagine my dismay on these days when I get to the beach, find the wind has swung around to an onshore South Easterly and picked up to about 20 knots, stiring up a wind chop of about a metre in size – frothing up the ocean so there are white caps all the way out to the horizon.

Then you have the dark, forbidding days when it is stormy, raining, and the wind is howling in any or all directions. The ground swell is large but completely broken up by the wind. The shore break is severe and followed by a larger break behind it. These are the days where you get a glimpse of your own insignificance, where we are dwarfed by the power and fury of the ocean. These are also the days though when we learn the most about ourselves, our capabilities, our limitations and our courage.

Often during the night after such a day, the wind drops off completely and everything calms down leaving a majestic, ordered ocean with those large peeling waves that all the surfers love. These are the playful days where we learn about the artistic side our craftsmanship. How well did we catch that wave, how did we use its face? Or how did we manage the runners on the way home on the ski.

If you get to the ocean at the wrong time on such a day though, a glorious session can turn into a bit of a nightmare. A change of tide, a change of wind are all that is required to turn your focus from art, to survival. I can  remember any number of sessions where we headed out on the surf skis, into a slight southerly wind, really looking forward to riding the smooth running swells all those kilometres back home. As we turn though, or within the first third of the return journey, we experience a dramatic shift in wind direction to the North East, blowing right into our faces, and an increase in wind speed to about 30 knots. The front has hit us, the running swells boil up angrily and we have had to fight our way home, stroke by fatigued stroke.

And then you have the shifting sand on the bottom of the ocean. Are the waves today going to peel beautifully to the left or the right, as the ridges on the ocean floor make the perfect base. Or are the waves going to hit the coast **BOOM** straight on, breaking along the entire beach. At Mermaid Beach, you never know till you get there. But that is part of the beauty of the ocean. That is part of our ever developing relationship with her.

I was out on the Surf Ski today in a group and the ocean was a wild mess. The wind was a blowing a strong north east, the chop was severe, I was being thrown around everywhere. Usually I would enjoy the challenge such a day would bring, respect the lessons and the experience I would get out of it. Today though, as I watched the more experienced paddlers deal with the chop much easier than I did and watch them disappear on the horizon, I got a little depressed. What the hell am I thinking. I’ll never be ready on time to participate in this massive race. Only 8 weeks to go and look how far behind I am. What happens if race day is like today.

Having finished the session I was close to throwing in the towel. I wandered up to Stu, my coach and asked if he still thought I was on track, expressing my dissatisfaction and self doubt and he said an interesting thing to me. He told me to stop putting pressure on myself. If I enter the race and get asked to leave the course do to being too far behind, look how far I have come, how much better, fitter and healthier I am for the journey. He pointed out to me what a massive achievement each completed leg would be, given the base I started from and remembering I shaved a full 12 months off my original plan.

Its funny how wise words can turn you around. Its like a huge weight I had been carrying has been lifted off my shoulders. If I don’t get through – big deal, I had a crack and I’ll do better next time. Time to focus and get back to training… just to get better myself.

Thank god for coaches huh

Well, I just had 3 weeks break – a very boozey holiday in South Africa. Training was very limited, it was not a write-off though. On the first week, I spent an hour in the gym doing some strength training. On the second week, I spent an hour doing a core workout in Zimbabwe. I stopped doing those though as some of the locals kept trying to sell me hand carved salad bowls… makes it kind of hard to concentrate. On the third week I had a 7km run at Sun City, and then the following day a 5km run. That was it. I did do 2 days hiking through the Kruger Park too though, good for you, not sure if it counts as training.

Coming back, I feel over-weight and bloated, but my muscles still feel quite strong. I surprised myself at ski training last night, I have not lost too much form. Last night was my “bad day” for jet lag too as I only got about 3 hours sleep on Monday, adjusting the the Aussie timezone again. I have swim squad lunch today, and I’ll cruize through the week before hitting it hard again next week.

Its good to be back, 8 solid weeks training left!

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